I try so hard, but the tears won’t come
I’m breaking their hearts, and I’m also breaking mine
What prevents me from being one of those girls?
They “take a year off after college to get married.”
They get married while they’re in college
They want to get married
It isn’t that I do not. Truly.
What if I never get married?
I have dreams, but what if they are never realized?
Days, weeks, months, decades
Turn into minutes and half hours
To do with as I will. To read, and to watch TV, and to dream.
I can’t stand to be breaking their hearts.
Don’t feel sorry for me, feel sorry for them.
I’m stuck, neither here nor there. Neither sad nor happy.
Amateur. Everything I’ve ever done is amateur.
How is it, then, that I am now breaking their hearts so colossally?
Tears will not help. Where should I go if tears won’t help?
I wish I could take your pain, and your suffering, and your fear.
I wish I could take all the wounds I’ve ever given you.
I wish I could steal them and crush them, never give them back.
But I can’t, because I don’t know the future.