I feel a little sick

I had my heart set on something. An adventure, an experience, and now it looks like it’s not going to happen. I felt my heart break when I found out. I knew it meant a lot to me, I’ve been giddy since the idea began germinating in my mind. I also knew that it was a very fragile plan that could fall down and collapse any minute, but my heart was so set on it that I couldn’t even bear to think of it collapsing. So I allowed it to germinate. I allowed it to take root and flourish, absolutely flourish; flower and thrive. And now my heart’s breaking. It’s cracking and collapsing in on itself. 

And as I walked in the door just now I remembered that there was no one here. That it was just me, and I was overwhelmed by how much I’ve been running around, trying to accomplish this and finish that. And I was overwhelmed by how I have to go to work tomorrow, and how I don’t want to go to work tomorrow, and how I really, really just need some time to myself. To let my heart break. To let it go its way as it needs to. 

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